so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
