I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
