you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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