I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
