Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
