i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
