i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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