So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
