His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
