Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
