Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
