So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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