I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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