Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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