i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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