he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
