i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
