Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
