You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
