I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
