I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
