i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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