I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
