There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
