you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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