if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You are a genius and a whore.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
