Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
