Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found a bag of teeth...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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