So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
