I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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