I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
