I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
