her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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