So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
