guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
