Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
