Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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