Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
