The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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