My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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