his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
