yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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