I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
