remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
