I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
