were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
