We need to rekindle our bromance
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
