Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bring me that man meat
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
