I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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