is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
