why im i the only drunk person in the library?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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